The real question is can someone please tell me what day it is? In quar, the clothes that you need appear at the minute that you need them. Why does Channing Tatum have gold lamé joggers with the lowest crotch I've ever seen? Irrelevant. There's a beautiful freedom in reaching the stage of quar when the only question you ask yourself when getting dressed is "Are these pants?" and then you put the item on regardless of the answer. Of course, the opposite interpretation is equally likely: Maybe Channing wasn't dressing to impress (and distress) but was channeling the chaotic spirit of housebound life where the rules are made up and the points don't matter. She couldn’t control her pupils.Billy Porter makes a quick trip to Panera. The last thing grandpa said before he kicked the bucket? How far do you think I can kick this bucket. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow? It’s making headlines. What did the caretaker say when they jumped out of the store cupboard? Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs? ‘Cause the cow’s got the udder! Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything! What did the fried rice say to the shrimp? Don’t wok away from me! What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach? What do you call a person in a tree with a briefcase? A branch manager! What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? The shovel was a ground-breaking invention. I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.” What did the clock do when it was hungry? The rotation of earth really makes my day.ĭid you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant!Ī four-chin teller. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?ĭid you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.ĭid you hear about the Italian Chef that died? Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he gets a hole in one! What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 ate 9 and 10! What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved! I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?” What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.” The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent!Ī jumper cable walks into a bar. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. What’s the difference between a tennis ball and the prince of Wales? One is heir to the throne and the other is thrown into the air. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it. I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory! How do you organize a space-themed party? Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale. How many bugs do you need to rent out an apartment? Tenants. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey. I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
What did the pirate get on his report card? What goes down but doesn’t come up? A yo. What did the horse say after it tripped? “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!” What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick! Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side. I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.ĭon’t worry if you miss a gym session. What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Why don’t crabs donate? Because they’re shellfish.
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